If sports got reported like science

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Mike Knell wrote this superb parody of a hypothetical situation where a newscaster is reporting sports as if it were science. The reason for the parody is because people have been complaining that sports coverage usually uses highly technical jargon while science/technology coverage avoids the use of any specialist language or jargon.

His parody starts off:

“HOST: In sports news, Chelsea manager Carlo Ancelotti today heavily criticised a controversial offside decision which denied Didier Drogba a late goal, leaving Chelsea with a 1-all draw against Sunderland.
INTERCOM: Wait. Hold it. What was all that sports jargon?
HOST: It’s just what’s in the script. All I did was read it – I’ve got no idea what it’s really on about.
INTERCOM: Nobody without a PhD in football’s going to understand that. Who wrote this crap? It’s elitist rubbish, people will just turn off when they hear it. “Late equaliser”? “Offside”? We’ve got to get this rewritten so it’s more accessible.

(time passes..)

HOST: Let’s try this again, then. In sports news, a London football referee has reinterpreted the rules of the game in a manner which is causing controversy among the footballing establishment. Chelsea manager Carlo Ancelotti described the moment the referee revealed his new version of the rule.
ANCELOTTI: Well, obviously the referee called that decision as he saw it, but even I could see three men between Drogba and the goal. It’s terrible refereeing, and we’re disappointed to have been denied the win because of such a poor decision.
HOST: Hahaha! Wait a moment, Mr Ancelotti – our listeners will need to have some of that egghead jargon explained to them. Can you explain it a little more simply?”

You can read the rest over at his blog post.