A mathematician went insane and believed that he was the differentiation operator. His friends had him placed in a mental hospital until he got better. All day he would go around frightening the other patients by staring at them and saying “I differentiate you!”

One day he met a new patient; and true to form he stared at him andsaid “I differentiate you!”, but for once, his victim’s expression didn’t change. Surprised, the mathematician marshalled his energies, stared fiercely at the new patient and said loudly “I differentiate you!”, but still the other man had no reaction. Finally, in frustration, the mathematician screamed out “I DIFFERENTIATE YOU!”

The new patient calmly looked up and said, “You can differentiate me all you like: I’m e to the x.”

A mathematician is in Africa trying to capture a lion. When he spots one he proceeds to build a fence around himself and says, “I define this to be outside!”

A mathematician wandered home at 3 AM. His wife became very upset, telling him, “You’re late! You said you’d be home by 11:45!” The mathematician replied, “I’m right on time. I said I’d be home by a *quarter of twelve*.”

Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them, they translate it into their own language, and forthwith it means something entirely different.

Mathematics is made of 50 percent formulas, 50 percent proofs and 50 percentimagination.

MichaelThe new patient calmly looked up and said, “You can differentiate me all you like: I’m e to the x.”

To which the first mathematician replies,

“Who says I’m differentiating with respect to x?”