Statistician jokes

A statistician is someone who loves to work with numbers but doesn’t have the personality to be an accountant.

Q: How do you save a drowning statistician?
A: Take your foot off his head.

Two statisticians were traveling in an airplane from LA to New York. About an
an hour into the flight, the pilot announced that they had
lost an engine, but don’t worry, there are three left.
However, instead of 5 hours it would take 7 hours to get
to New York. A little later, he announced that a second
engine failed, and they still had two left, but it would
take 10 hours to get to New York. Somewhat later, the
pilot again came on the intercom and announced that a
third engine had died…
Never fear, he announced, because
the plane could fly on a single-engine. However, it would
now take 18 hours to get to New York. At this point, one
statistician turned to the other and said, “Gee, I hope we don’t lose that last engine, or we’ll be up here forever!”

In earlier times, they had no statistics, and so they had to fall back on lies.

Are statisticians normal?

Statistics are like a bikini – what they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.

Statistics in the hands of an engineer are like a lamppost to a drunk–they’re used more for support than illumination.

The average statistician is just plain to mean.

The average Australian has one testicle and one breast and less than two legs!

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Statisticians do it……

 

Statisticians do it continuously but discretely.

Statisticians do it when it counts.

Statisticians do it with 95% confidence.

Statisticians do it with large numbers.

Statisticians do it with only a 5% chance of being rejected.

Statisticians do it with two-tail T-tests.

Statisticians do it. After all, it’s only normal.

Statisticians probably do it.

Statisticians do it with significance.

Probabilists do it on random walks.

Probabilists do it stochastically.

Statisticians do all the standard deviations.